Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.