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I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.