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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.