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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."