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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
yo fellas how did that "wow" comment you left on that girls facebook picture play out
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?