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My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!