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I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?