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So many rules; so little time to break them.
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)