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A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
Just finished my first book yesterday. 450 pages. Man, that was a lot of coloring...
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”