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The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
i only drink on days that end with y
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
Chip clips are for quitters.