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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.