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It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.