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I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
I saw that! - Karma
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.