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My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
Do angry people know about naps?
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.