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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.