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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
i dont have drain bramage.