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One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent