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Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.