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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
I have off-road rage, too
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
Bacon...need I say more
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.