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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.