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I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.