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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.