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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.