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Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.