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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
I only drink alcohol because there aren`t enough ways to eat it.
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?