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I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
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You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.