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Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
Iām tired of things costing money.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.