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Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.