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Does the Food Network deliver?
Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them