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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out