Daily Silly Status

Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?

It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”

Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles

My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.

These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.

I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...

When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.

I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.

Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were

I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL

Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.

I wish bedtime was all the time.

We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.

I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.

Wonder what my couch is doing right now.