Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, `What would Jesus do?`, so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.