Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.