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Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.