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It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.