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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.