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Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
What do women say when they are actually fine?
Does "who cares" count as advice?
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...