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If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok