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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.