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At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
Son: am I adopted? Me: not yet, but we`re hopeful.
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark