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Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.