Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.