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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
Check this one out.........1
Iām dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.