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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?
I play hard to get along with.