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The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.