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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but Iām still looking.
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over