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I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.