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They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.