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How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
justin bieber
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.