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I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
Please say a prayer for my coworker. His life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
I think...therefore, I am.....single
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn’t mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.