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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.