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My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
When I grow up I´d like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.