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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers