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Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.