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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?