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Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.