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In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.