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I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.