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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there