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I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
Don`t waste my timeline.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
My Kid: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What`s wrong with the one we live in? My Kid: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."