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According to my nipples, summer is over
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?