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Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?