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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.