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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up