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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.