Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
Did we try giving the government a snickers?
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.