Daily Silly Status

Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.

And then her mood ring just...exploded

Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.

Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.

I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.

I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.

Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.

I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.

I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.

If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….

I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.

Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.

I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!

morning i hate girls evening i need girls

You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.