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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.