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I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
Attention fuels immaturity
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.