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i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.