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I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Iām glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.