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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling