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What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.