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I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
I dare you to spit on this status.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
I was so angry when I found my wife’s profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn’t “fun to be around.”
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.