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Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them