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Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
Your things are terrific.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.