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Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
gua suka sama kamu