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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
I am used but in good condition.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending Iām not excited.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm