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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
is available for rebound sex.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.