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My death bed confession is going to be epic!
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.