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Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
Life`s tough. It`s tougher if you`re stupid...
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....