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Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.