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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.