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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
It`s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your sh!t together, every other vegetable.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
Sorry, I can`t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"