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I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...