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Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
This century is already 15% over.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.