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My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.