Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
Question everything...Or should you?
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!