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I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel