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Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.