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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
I like it like that
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.