Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.