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I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
Sö î hèãrd ÿôu lìkê gùÿš with ácçeñts?
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
why do i feel like you are reading this
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?