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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day Iām just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
I give myself the best presents.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.