Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"My phone`s about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"