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Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”