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What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.