Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
Hi Iām a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Facebook?
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.