Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?