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Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you`d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say "No, normal size ones if you don`t mind."
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.