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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
pudding... thats always a funny word
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."