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How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.