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Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
Save water- shower with me!
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.