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If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
No. My hair magically got shorter.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.